When we go to the farm for harvest time, the kids often come along for a couple days. And one of the routines of the visit, just before leaving, is to grab everybody in the family an ear of corn (although my wife, Holly, declines). The kids play with the ears, with instructions not to pick off the seeds and throw them all over the van. Looking in the rear view mirror and seeing preschoolers in a three-way conference call using ear-corn phones is not something you get to see everyday. And if the conversation turns sour, the ear-corn phones become ray guns and there’s a shoot out. Holly and I just stay low and drive.
This year, the ear-corn ray guns stayed in the van for a few days. One of those days was on a trip down to the other grandparent’s home in Dodge Center. I wasn’t there, but I am told that as soon as they arrived, Grandpa noticed that Peyton had something in his nose.
In the big scheme of things, it’s not entirely unusual to find something in, or working it’s way out of, a three-year old’s nose. Generally, one would grab a tissue and proceed with the usual wipe or blow. Not this time.
Grandpa noticed that the item in Peyton’s nose was not standard issue nasal artillery, but rather something foreign. Of course, it was a kernel of corn. And not your typical flat seed with a gradual sloping to the tip. Instead it was one of those big round ones found at the base of the ear.
When asked if he had put a kernel of corn up his nose, Peyton replied, “I don’t know.” What, exactly, are the other possibilities? Van trolls?
Of course, the “I don’t know” answer he gave is the one you get when a kid is “feeling out” how much trouble he has just gotten in, trying not to self-incriminate. What he did go on to indicate, with one of those kid-official tones, was that it was stuck and that it “didn’t hurt at all.” How brave. As for getting it out of his nose....
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| Grandma tried to get it out. His mother tried to get it out. They tried about everything: Peyton blowing, a squeegee technique, blowing with the other nostril plugged and more. After quite a while, everyone was trying NOT to think about entertaining the ER folks for the night.
Then Grandpa called for the tweezers, and performed a precision extraction. When it came out, Peyton yelled, “Hey, look!” Everyone stood around the kernel like the virgin birth.
Some children show early signs of musical genius or mathematical prowess. I’m not sure what I’m dealing with here, but I’m hoping it lies somewhere in seed research (That’s my best case scenario). Otherwise, I’m just hoping this talent comes from my wife’s side of the family. Although, there was that time when I was four and I was teaching my brother how to hammer, handing him the hammer as I held the nail in position. That didn’t work out so well.
Yeah . . . I’m pretty sure this is seed research. Definitely seed research.
I had better send a copy of this “research” to the Dekalb and Pioneer folks, in the hope that we have eliminated some of the critical lab testing that they would normally need to plod through. You may be seeing TV commercials in the future with a burly guy handling a bag of seed, while a husky voiced actor proclaims, “ . . . engineered for the future to handle corn bore, root rot, and deep nostril exposure for maximum yields.”
[BREAKING NEWS: This just in from the god-awful-things-mother’s-save department: My wife saved it in a zip-lock bag.]
That’s my report from the “Big City”.
Brian in the Big City
Employee #0090698
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