It has just occurred to me that McDonald's, Burger King and Arby's are curiously smack on my path to work every day. I have been justifying stopping in for a purchase daily by saying that it is only for a parfait and milk.
Plus it is only $2.18 (including tax).
Plus it is right on the way.
Plus there is never anyone in the drive thru except me.
Plus they have a double lane drive thru as a back up should anyone be there simultaneously, causing me delays.
Plus it is healthy (yogurt, granola, fruit and milk).
Plus all the fast food employees would wonder if I were hurt if I didn't show up.
Plus world peace.
There you have it. It’s Meant to Be.
Clearing the Air
You haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve been busy about a new job, new home, new city and new state. But first, let me dispel any rumors about my goings-on over the last 10 months.
1) I have NOT been attempting to fly around the world in a hot air balloon basket – as appealing as that is
2) I was NOT on a copy machine helping Hillary write her new healthcare plan
3) I have NOT been playing with my new iPhone (primarily because I don't have a new iPhone)
4) I was NOT behind the recent PETA announcement that the people of Earth need no longer worry about green house gases and industrial emissions because the true cause of global warming is the raging, unchecked doom of global cow belching
5) I was NOT reveling in the length of time my new copy of Windows Vista had been up and running without crashing (Three days)
6) I was NOT in Iraq convincing the Sunni’s that Al Qaeda would make a better pen pal than a neighborhood crime watch organizer
The Bermuda Triangle has Buffalo
As you already know, I have a new commute to work, which takes me down Cholesterol Boulevard. Our new city and state are quite different from our former city in MN. As with anything, there are plenty of good and bad things about the change. There’s also some weird stuff in the mix.
We really enjoyed our time in Eden Prairie, MN, and it did have some
outstanding qualities. For example, it has often been listed as one of
the top overall places to live, not only in the Midwest, but in the
U.S. as well. Eden Prairie has had the highest average household income
of any city in MN for quite some time, even with my household there
bringing the average way down. Eden prairie is where many of the
executives, lawyers, doctors and professional athletes reside in the
Twin Cities. So, goodbye to the days when I chit-chat with World Series
Champ Dan “The Dazzle Man” Gladden while in line at ProEx photography.
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| Some in the Twin Cities have called us crazy for moving to our new city and state. Even more people here in our new state have called us crazy for moving here. I wonder if anyone, with a few clues, can identify the area where I now work and reside? For those of you that have not heard by some other means, here are some clues:
1) In this city, they repaint the lane lines on the streets only after there is no visible or even forensic evidence that a line ever existed there
2) We have actual cowboys walking around the mall
3) Somehow here, hospitals clinics end up immediately adjacent to commercial hog trailer washout facilities, for that fresh scent you are looking for while you are in the waiting room seeking to feel better
4) There appears to be one casino for every seven people in this city
5) Should my family choose to eat at the Olive Garden or Red Lobster for a nice dining experience, there will always be at least one vehicle in the parking lot with the horns of some dead animal mounted on the hood
6) Both mobile phones and buffalo frequently roam here
7) In the winter, drivers must be prepared to avoid streaking, car-sized tumbleweeds on city streets
8) Poetry, as elegant and beautiful as the following can be found throughout the city on business signage:
Dogs and Sows
Cats and Cows
We’ve got the feeds
To meet your needs
Any guesses? Here’s another hint: I have never in my life wanted to pay higher taxes more than right now! Got it yet?
The answer is Sioux Falls, South Dakota— Good hearted people; low taxes; heavy poems; cars with horns; smelly health care and drunken street maintenance supervisors. Of course, the official state motto is, “Great Faces, Great Places”.
Settling In and Happy to Be Here
Overall, we’re glad to be here. Certainly one of the benefits is that a dollar goes a lot further here than in the Twin Cities. Another benefit is that this part of the country is much more family friendly. That last one is a big deal.
With a smaller city to live in (down by 2 million) and company to work for (down 60,000), the whole “Brian in the Big City” theme may need adjustment. Although, “Brian in the Fairly Small to Small City” doesn’t sound like a real brow raiser. I think I’ll leave it the way it is until enough people complain.
Tune in two weeks from now to hear about a 60-year-old woman who opened my eyes to the link between French Silk pie and my shorts.
That’s my report from the “Big City”.
Brian in the Big City
Employee #0000101
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